Will My Couples Counselor Take Sides?
When a relationship is struggling, one of the most effective ways to heal as a couple is to seek out couples counseling. Couples counseling and couples therapy offer extensively researched, effective strategies for helping you learn how to communicate and grow as a couple, as well as how to address past relationship challenges.
But, for couples counseling to work, both partners have to be committed to the process.
One challenge that can arise is that, while one partner may or may not be ready to see a therapist, the other may be reluctant – worried that the counselor is going to “take sides” and be unwilling to hear their point of view.
Certainly, there may be couples counselors out there that act this way. But part of this belief also comes from not entirely understanding what couples counseling is for, or how the process works. For example:
Couples Therapy Has a Scientific Basis – Every relationship is unique, but the process for couples counseling is one that requires both partners be heard and understood. Couples therapy has been extensively researched, and although there are individualized components to it, the process itself requires both partners and their views/experiences to be respected.
*How* You Communicate Doesn’t Have Right/Wrong – Part of couples counseling involves learning how to talk to each other, and it takes two people to communicate. It’s not about “right” vs “wrong” but rather what it takes for someone else to listen and understand to the way that you discuss your needs.
Safe Spaces for Each Partner – Another part of couples counseling is to create a safe space for each partner to tell their experience and share their reality. Not all couples counseling is taking turns, but couples counseling gives space for you to share with a third party that can keep the process going and can make sure the other partner doesn’t prevent you from sharing your needs.
Every Challenge Tells a Story – Most challenges in a relationship do not occur in a vacuum. There is a story behind it. As a couples counselor, I have to listen to both sides to understand your story and to better understand how issues occurred, providing you with a much needed opportunity to share how you’re feeling and make sure you’re heard.
In addition, while your past together can play a significant role in learning more about yourselves as a couple, the goal of couples counseling is to learn how to move forward. It’s future focused. There are no sides to take, because our goal is, together, to try to help you learn how you can make your relationship successful.
The Value of Couples Counseling
Couples counseling is one of the best tools we have to help a couples thrive in the future, address challenges, and learn how to move forward successfully. It’s not about taking sides, or allowing one partner to “win.” It’s about making sure you *both* have space to share, learn the skills you need to grow, and take the steps you need to move forward together. If you’re looking for a couples counselor in New Canaan, or anywhere in CT or NY, please reach out to me today.